The Grape
Internship Listings
Make sure all puzzle pieces look the same for our jigsaw puzzles. Applications due March 32nd, 2024.
REJECTED SLOW TRAIN TRIVIA TOPICS
True or false: And the Lord saith unto me, When thine Azzie’s mobile order taketh over an hour’s time to be ready, then shall thou know the time is at hand.
Interviews with Coverband Hopefuls
Ellen and the De- genereses was a brief but luminous ska band in the spring of 1997. They put out some real bangers, but unfortunately had to break up two months after they got together, when the real Ellen Degeneres came out as a lesbian.
All Oscar Best Picture Nominees Reviewed by Someone Who’s Only Seen One
This French movie is apparently about a writer who is trying to prove she didn’t kill her husband. I also think I remember hearing she’s bi-sexual. Other than that, I have no clue what this is.
One Hundred Years of Wilder (Thirteen Years Too Late)
George [REDACTED] (he/him): The Classic Department orgy in 212 on every Saturday at 2 a.m.
LINES FROM MY MIDDLE SCHOOL POETRY NOTEBOOK THAT TAYLOR SWIFT CAN USE FOR HER NEXT ALBUM ANNOUNCEMENT
“We’re on the same boat . . . and it’s sinking.”
SONNET WRITTEN BY THE GUY WHO’S BEEN TAILGATING YOU FOR THE PAST TWENTY MINUTES
Your sluggish pace doth fill me with dark woe,
Super Bowl Snacks
You may find yourself struggling to bring the snack that packs that perfect je ne sais quoi to your superbowl party. If so, look no further!
NEW LIZ PHAIR SONG DISCOVERED IN OBERLIN ARCHIVES
You may find yourself struggling to bring the snack that packs that perfect je ne sais quoi to your superbowl party. If so, look no further!
Excerpts from The Holiday Email Chains of American Families
“ We all miss her, but she’s very busy excelling over at Oberlin. She just got an A on her midterm for ‘Dire Straights: Heterosexual Anxiety in Climate Apocalypse Fiction’,”