One Hundred Years of Wilder (Thirteen Years Too Late)
By: Luca James, Contributor
Wilder Hall, built in 1911 as a residence hall, is one of the most central buildings on campus. Every student at Oberlin is bound to walk through the student union at some point in their day, whether to get sushi from Umami, pick up some mail, or go to one of the many student offices. Today, we at the Grape are reflecting on the one hundred (plus thirteen) years Wilder Main has blessed the campus, and we’ve asked students where their favorite spots in Wilder are.
Shorty Jorty (she/her): Oh god, there are so many. I think my favorite room is 303, the one for the triangle majors at the con. They only get let out once every full moon so bring pepper spray if you go visit them.
Bebop Smith (he/they): The room they store Ed Helms’ immortalized severed head in between trustee meetings. The only issue is he won’t stop singing Hotel California.
Christopher Pistopherson (they/them): Well I may be biased because I work there, but I love the circumcision clinic. We’re open 24/7 in Wilder 413C for any religious or hygienic revelations and emergencies!
Splish Splash (they/she): The room full of the boiled eggs leftover from DeCafe and the twinky double degree student they make run around and eat all of them.
Macklemore (he/him): Easily the room where philosophy students play out their real life trolley problem scenario using students caught sneaking into Stevie before they’re allowed to declare their major. Lost my boy Fish to the trolley once, but they convinced me it was the ethical thing to do.
BladeRunner2069@gmail.com (he/its): I like the AVI worker who calls me baby girl.
Jason Seagull (he/him): I’m a fan of the dungeon they keep the Obertones in to make sure they stay focused on their craft with no distractions.
Jezebel Christ (they/them): The new dining hall, Anthropophagy for all the people with cannibalistic dietary restrictions.
The Ghost of Stevenson Hall (they/he): I love looking at the Oberlin graduates in the cryogenic freezer who are only released when a teaching position opens up.
George [REDACTED] (he/him): The Classic Department orgy in 212 on every Saturday at 2 a.m.
X Æ A-12 (??): The storage room with the ceramic butt plugs a student made for their winter term project and donated to the SIC
BooThang (she/they): The backroom of Umami where my plug always meets me.
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Wow! That’s a lot of rooms some of you may not have even known existed! Time to go explore this wonderful historic building!
