Super Bowl Snacks

By: Boob Salami, Contributor

You may find yourself struggling to bring the snack that packs that perfect je ne sais quoi to your superbowl party. If so, look no further! This list is sure to impress your friends, family, and your ex-boyfriend that your bitch friend Stacy invited as you tune into that grand old pigskin shindig. 

• Pita chips, especially Stacy’s! 

• Guacamole 

• The emotional letter your ex-boyfriend wrote you two years ago in response to your comment about his t-shirt. It’s verbose, it’s embarrassing, and it reveals a little too much about his relationship with his cat, Fluffy. Everybody will love it! 

• Buffalo chicken dip–I recommend the Pioneer Woman’s recipe. #yummy!

• Football-shaped cupcakes topped with a few strands of hair from your new cat, Duffy. Make sure to send your condolences to your ex-boyfriend in regards to his missing cat. Isn’t it a crazy coincidence that Duffy looks just like Fluffy? 

• Fruit salad

• Spinach artichoke dip 

• A large pile of rocks. Don’t think too much about it, just wind back and throw. He’s a piece of shit, and so is she…can you believe she stole him right out from under you? These won’t do too much damage, and nothing can compare to the amount of agony he caused you. That son of a bitch. At least Duffy provides you solace. God. Where would you be without that cat? That fool didn’t know how to treat her. 

• Pigs in a blanket!

• A fake passport, hair dye, and a cat carrier. I don’t know what’s going to end up happening, but be prepared for the worst. Get ready to leave and never look back. It’s go time. 

Hopefully, these treats will help to make this super bowl party a touchdown! Go Chiefs!