Hookup Culture at Oberlin: A They/Them Perspective
By Ellis LB
As a they/them, who looks lesbian to the untrained eye, I fit right in at Oberlin. My real truth, though, is different from what people might assume. I’m mostly attracted to men. Everywhere except for Oberlin, this is not a problem, but something about Oberlin creates such a non-conducive environment for being a slut. That isn’t to say that I’m a slut, I think that I have a normal need for sex, in normal amounts, and in a super normal way. Basically, I’m really normal… everywhere except Oberlin, which makes me go insane. I’m also not the only one impacted by this bleak situation: I’ve heard the same sentiment from many friends, acquaintances, enemies, as well as the famous “Oberlin Has A Problem” song. The problem seems to primarily be for people who are attracted to men or masculine people.
Last year, in the fall of my junior year, I ended my two year relationship with my partner at the time. Distraught and looking for a distraction, I turned to Tinder to find some sort of rebound to fix me. For the first month or so, it was great: I went on a million dates, had cool sex, and basically had casual fun. At the time, I wasn’t really thinking about the consequences of my actions, and I didn’t assume that they would have any sort of long-term impact. I hadn’t considered how small Oberlin is, how few eligible men there are, and how fast rumors spread on campus.
I resigned myself to celibacy, rather than lower my standards, and decided to get out of Oberlin as often as possible, for every break possible. My mindset was and continues to be similar to bears preparing for hibernation that fill up on fish and berries before crawling into their dark and bleak caves: freak it as much as possible with hot non-Oberlin men, which in turn strengthens my resolve to not lower my standards and get with an ugly-ish Oberlin guy.
College is meant to be a time to explore yourself, in a space that is essentially designed to allow that to happen. College parties, especially, are The Places to do this, Oberlin being the exception. Even when I go home to Florida (another weird and scary place) on breaks, and crash FSU college parties, I have plenty of opportunities to explore. But at Oberlin, as a senior, I basically know everyone on campus. Last weekend, I was having fun at a party, until I was hit by a wave of dread and also misery after looking around the room and recognizing every single face. At Oberlin, a casual, no-strings-attached hookup is not possible. You are bound to stand behind them in line at Decafe, bump into them when picking up your Azzies order, or if you work in customer service like me, take their order at work.
If you’re reading this, and you’ve been on a date with me, obviously nothing I said applies to you, and I was talking about the other guys. You’re perfect and not ugly and I’m in love with you.
