How First Languages Shape Our Identity

By: Natalie Gamiño and Jaileen Portorreal

J: Think back to when you were a little baby. You were crawling around and putting things in your mouth, being fed, bathed, and spoken to. The cadence of your family’s words soothe, comfort, and nurture you. But eventually you grow up and have to go outside and speak English. This sudden change causes a bit of a shock. Now those early memories and emotions occupy a different place in your being.

N: I never thought about speaking Spanish as a part of my personality until I came to Oberlin. Language as part of someone's identity is kind of a weird thought but, according to two whole TikToks we found, other people feel the exact same way. When it came to relationships, some comments mentioned feeling that their partner would never be able to understand the part of them that spoke their native language. Other comments said that at times translating something from a different language into English would make it sound corny or gain a different meaning. 

J:  For native speakers of both English and Spanish, emotional expression and understanding of oneself just makes more sense - in Spanish. This is a theory circulating on Tik Tok that people have emphatically affirmed and related to, and it makes sense. Your little, baby self had your first baby emotions in that language. So how does not having heard English up to that point affect the way you express yourself in each language now? There are infinitely many factors that can play into this, like the degree to which one speaks and understands their first language. But the data (tik tok comments) don’t lie: it feels different. 

In my experience, listening to music in Spanish elicits memories and emotions that can’t be replicated in the English language music that already makes up the bulk of my general music listening. When I arrived at Oberlin and found myself missing home, I turned to “El Día De Mi Suerte” from Willie Colón and Héctor Lavoe’s 1973 salsa album Lo Mato. The pop and alt-rock music that I listened to in middle and high school wasn’t enough to alleviate my homesickness. I needed music that could give me an intimate comfort so far away from my community. “El Día De Mi Suerte” did just that. This was so much the case, that I began expanding my collection of familiar salsa, bachata, and merengue songs in search of a connection. I even decided to make a WOBC show out of it (KLK Fridays at 2pm).

N: Music is the way I have always processed my own thoughts and expressed my emotions. With music that was written in Spanish, regardless of genre, the lyrics in that song would always hit me a bit harder. Singing along to it and feeling the rhythm feels like I’m on a different plane of existence.When I came to Oberlin, I found myself searching for that kind of music. Cumbias, Reggeaton, and Latin Rock are just a couple of genres of Latin music that began to overtake my playlists.  It feels like my soul is truly connected to these songs for the sense of familiarity and notalgia they would invoke. Not to completely diss songs that are written in English, “My Neck, My Back (Lick It)” by Khia hits different too. But, there’s a connection to the part of my identity that is tied to my first language being Spanish. 

J: Beyond the uniquely intimate and familiar connection with music is the question of self expression. For a long time I’ve had trouble expressing myself in Spanish as a result of losing the language as I got older. Recently, I regained a lot due to a Winter Term in Mexico. I found that, not only was I exercising my Spanish-speaking muscle but that I also was tapping into a part of myself that was dormant. While I can say that Spanish taps into a different part of my emotional being, I can’t say that I can express my inner world, thoughts, feelings, and emotions better in Spanish than I can in English. I will say that certain words or phrases in Spanish convey feelings in a way that can’t be replicated in English (see: malcriado, coñaso, mamagüevo).

There are just certain phrases in Spanish, especially all the swears, that won’t have the same effect in English like they do in Spanish. 

Exhibit A: 

Your friend is being a fucking idiot. 

English Response: You’re a fucking idiot! 

(Natalie) Spanish Response: Eres un pinche idiota! 

(Jaileen) Spanish Response: Mamagüevo! 

We both know which one sounds better. But you should try it out with your friends if you’re feeling unsure. I think they’d really like it. 

Exhibit B: 

Your friend is being an asshole

English Response: You're an asshole

(Natalie) Spanish Response: Culero! 

(Jaileen) Spanish Response: Que cara de culo!

J: What this all reveals to me is that language itself can function as identity. That for children of immigrants, having a non-English native language makes up some part of your being regardless of how much you use the language or your level of proficiency. The culture and experiences that language carries stick with us from our formative little baby times to adulthood.